Marriage Tips for Men

Marriage Tips for Men based on 47 Years of Personal Experience

The above pictures show my wife, Joyce, 1) when she was about 16, 2) right after we got married (June 18, 1966), and 3) just before she retired in June of 2012.  Do the math.  We just celebrated our 47^th anniversary (not golden but titanium as in TaylorMade golf driver) last month and I would be remiss if I didn’t share a few of the observations that I have decided to be very important in maintaining some semblance of harmony in a long-term relationship such as marriage.  These may or may not work for you guys because it also requires a very special partner with which God has blessed me.

1.       Don’t ever leave the toilet seat up.

2.      Don’t offer the remote to your wife just because Soccer is the current sports season.  She sees your insincerity.

3.      When a cross word is spoken, walk away and do not respond for a minimum of fifteen minutes unless it is an emergency.  You will be amazed how quickly the issue disappears.

4.      When you experience the results of her forgetfulness, wait five minutes.  You will have forgotten the event yourself.

5.      When enumerating all of those things that drive you up the wall, remember you have driven her over a cliff by your actions long ago.

6.      Never complain about her purchases or shopping habits. ‘Nuf said.

7.      She really is a better driver than you.  Not!

8.      Never complain about her snoring.  That means she is still breathing.  Praise God for her snoring and roll over the other way.

9.      Stop being amazed that she orders the same thing you do when you eat out and that she finishes your sentences and you agree on most issues.  You truly have become one over the years.

10.  Pretend that chick-flicks are better than westerns.

11.  If she even hints that you are getting low on milk, drive to Braums before she finishes the sentence.

12.  Study the Bible daily together and pray daily together.  This will increase the level of intimacy between you to heights that you have never experienced.

I could go on and probably will later but remember the four C’s.  Communicate, Cherish, Commitment, and Christ.

The Unsnatchables!!

John 10:27-30  "My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me;  and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand.   "My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand.  "I and the Father are one."

 Jude 1-2  Jude, a bond-servant of Jesus Christ, and brother of James, To those who are the called, beloved in God the Father, and kept for Jesus Christ: May mercy and peace and love be multiplied to you.

Jude 24-25 Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.

I was raised in the Southern Baptist Church where not only were nearly all sermons evangelical in nature, but, we would have at least two revivals (one-two weeks long) every year with the total emphasis on evangelism.  Looking back, it seems that if the regular church members had gotten revived, there would have been no need for the revivals.  But, I digress.  The motto of the SBC seemed to be "Once saved, always saved" and this was reiterated quite often.  Except for a lapse from about age eighteen to age twenty-five, I pretty much was a regular attender of a Southern Baptist Church until about the age of forty.

At this point in my life, our family left the Southern Baptist environment and began attending an independent Bible Church called Faith Bible Church.  There I encountered a new phrase called "Perseverance of the Saints" and was told that a better way of putting "Once Saved, Always Saved" would be "If Saved, Always Saved".  Over the next several years, many questions were answered from the pages of Holy Scripture that changed my thinking from self-centered to God-centered.  Such phrases as "All that God Requires, He Provides" and "All of Salvation is All of God" brought me from trying to make sure that I was working enough so that I would receive God's approval to realizing that my works would never bring approval towards salvation and that if I was saved, it was because of God and not because of me.  I had been chosen before the foundation of the world and was part of God's elect and (dare I use the term) that predestination was really taught in the Bible.

Over the years, people had used the term "carnal Christian" to describe those who professed Christ as their savior but lived for and like the devil.  Sins were classified and if you had not killed someone or committed adultery, you could pretty much live how you pleased because you had "walked an aisle", "signed a card", "been baptised", etc so you had to be a Christian.  During the years at the Bible Church, I was taught that it really did matter how you lived and your good works were not necessary to save you, but that if you were saved, your good works would confirm your salvation.  In Eph 2:10 we read, "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them."

Now, back to the "Perseverance of the Saints".  The Westminster Confession of Faith was the product of five years of intense study of Scripture, intense dialogue, intense scholastic effort, and discussion by about a hundred of the best theological minds and biblical scholars many of whom we would call Puritans.  The Puritans were known as lovers of Scripture, lovers of God, lovers of Christ, and lovers of Truth.  The article in the confession related to perseverance (XVII) reads as follows:  "They whom God hath accepted in his Beloved, effectually called and sanctified by his Spirit, can neither totally nor finally fall away from the state of grace; but shall certainly persevere therein to the end, and be eternally saved."  This document does not have the authority of Scripture but there are many verses throughout the Bible that support this statement.  Here are a few.
 
John 5:24 "Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life.
John 3:16  "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.  
 
John 3:18 "He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. 
 
John 6:37-40  "All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will certainly not cast out.  "For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.  "This is the will of Him who sent Me, that of all that He has given Me I lose nothing, but raise it up on the last day.  "For this is the will of My Father, that everyone who beholds the Son and believes in Him will have eternal life, and I Myself will raise him up on the last day."
The amazing thing about this last passage is that God the Father has given those who are saved to God the Son as a gift.  To lose your salvation means that the Father would take back the gift from his Son.  It will never happen.  Once you are a part of the family of God, you will forever be a part of the family of God. 
 
John 4:14 but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life."
1 Cor 1:8-9  who will also confirm you to the end, blameless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, through whom you were called into fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.
1 Thess 5:23-24 Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.


To say that we persevere is not to say that we are perfect.  Will we sin?  Most assuredly!  Will we doubt?  Some more than others.  The more we sin, the more we will doubt but as our sanctification progresses, we will not become sinless, but we will sin less.  True disciples continue in faith and they don't live like non-believers.  John 8:31  So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine.  A person who "has accepted Jesus", "made a decision for Jesus", or "prayed a prayer" and goes on to live in a sinful pattern of life with no fear of hell because they think they're eternally secure is deluded.  1 John 3:10  By this the children of God and the children of the devil are obvious: anyone who does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor the one who does not love his brother.


The doctrine of perseverance then is this:  at salvation you are given a supernatural faith from God to believe the gospel, to believe the testimony of the Holy Spirit concerning Christ and therefore to believe in Christ and having come to Christ you have come to know the true and living God.  The faith is a supernatural gift from God.  It is a gift of grace and it is a gift of mercy.  Eph 2:8-9  For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God;  not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.  The kind of faith that God gives is an enduring faith.  Human faith does not endure.  Security in Christ then is tied to a persevering faith that endures to the end.

 
Any idea of salvation that leaves out security is a distortion of the truth.  And any idea of security that leaves out perseverance is a distortion of the truth.  Please meditate on this amazing passage from Peter, the leader of the twelve.  Keep in mind the ups and downs of Peter's life as recorded in the gospels - Get thee behind me Satan - Satan desires to sift you - I have prayed that your faith not fail - I will follow you to death - I don't know him - You know I love you - and on and on.  Surely Peter's redemption and restoration was complete in John, chapter 21 - read it when you have time.  Years later, under the Holy Spirit's leading, he penned the following.  How amazing!
 
1 Peter 1:3-9 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls.
 
From this passage you can see that this matter of security is tied to an enduring faith.  In Christ's high priestly prayer in John, chapter 17 Jesus is interceding for those who belong to him and asking the Father to keep us.  Christ's prayers are always answered by the Father because they are always in accordance with his perfect will - we will be kept.  The Holy Spirit also intercedes for us as we read in Rom 8:26-27  In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
 
Christ's intercession guarantees our future glory.  The Holy Spirit's intercession guarantees our future glory.  And the Father's purpose guarantees our future glory that He foreknew us, He predestined us, He called us, He justified us, and he will glorify us because His purpose at the beginning was to conform us to the image of His Son.  Rom 8:28-30 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.


Our human faith can't save us, our human faith can't keep us.  Therefore we need a faith that is not human, a faith that is supernatural that has to come from God.  The faith to believe the gospel in the beginning came from God and it is an enduring faith that always believes.  There are no true Christians who are drop outs.  If one has really come to Christ, there will be an enduring faith that will be characterized by a love for righteousness, a love for Christ, and a hatred for sin.  It will not be perfection but it will indicate direction in the way of righteousness.  Reread 1Peter 1:3-9 above and focus on these words and phrases:  who has caused us to be born again - a living hope - imperishable - undefiled - will not fade away - reserved in heaven - protected by the power of God - salvation ready to be revealed in the last time - outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls.


Praise be to our Heavenly Father for granting salvation to us, a salvation that will last forever.  Just remember that if it was up to us and if we could lose our salvation, we would because our human faith can neither save us nor keep us but he can!

True believer - welcome to the Unsnatchables!!!!!!!!!!!!!





 

Update on Knees

Here is a picture of my knees on December 5, 2012.  You can see that I am just a little bow-legged.

For at least five years, more than one doctor has recommended total knee replacement surgery so I finally scheduled it back in September with a surgery date of December 7.  All of the pre-op tests with my regular doctor and my cardiologist went well so I had no excuse but to proceed.  It seemed a little strange as they wheeled me in to the operating room to see a row of power tools on a table to my right.  I was told that I followed the instructions perfectly related to getting myself from the gurney to the operating table.  That conversation was followed by blackness and I awakened in my hospital room approximately two and one-half hours later.  Not much happened the rest of the day although I did get out of bed and walk across the hallway using a walker.  (Walker's walker............)

This was on Friday and I remember eating three meals on Saturday and Sunday and being hooked up about six hours a day to the CPM.  This is a continuous passive motion machine that bends your leg at the knee for the length of time and angle selected.  I was told that my doctor wanted a bend of at least 90 degrees before I could leave the hospital and this was accomplished with very little problem.  Check-out was after breakfast on Monday and I was ambulatory as long as I had my walker.  Physical therapy was scheduled to begin on Tuesday and the three days following for the first week.  It then switched to three days per week for the next five weeks.  My last physical therapy session is scheduled for Thursday and my next doctor visit is scheduled for February 27.

My last regular visit was January 16 at which time I was told that things were going well.  I also no longer had to wear the thick, stretchy, white hose on my right leg.  I think Joyce was more thrilled than me because she had to put it on me each morning.  I also no longer had to take the two aspirin per day for blood thinning, and I could now use the pool and hot-tub at Gold's Gym.  Joyce and I went to water aerobics yesterday for the first time in several months and it felt great!  I have been driving for a little over two weeks so that lightened Joyce's burden a little bit also.  Talk about cabin fever.  When the only place you go is physical therapy, it doesn't take long to start talking to yourself.

AH! Physical therapy (or private torture as I prefer to call it).  The first week was not too bad because of the recent surgery but then they begin to try to whip you back into shape.  My only problem is that I had a preconceived idea about how fast I wanted to be whipped back into shape and just how much none-self-inflicted pain I was willing to tolerate.  We had a few disagreements over this and I finally convinced them that I did not like surprises and when they were fixing to abuse my body, I wanted to be warned ahead of time and not just told to relax.  I am also required to perform physical exercises on my own three times a day (seven days a week) on the non-therapy days and two times a day on the therapy days.  I must confess I have only abided by this about 75% of the time due to laziness, pain, rebellion, or stubbornness.

I have gotten back to Sunday School two of the last three weeks as well as Wednesday night share time at church and Thursday night Bible Study at the Kahne's house.  These three things have greatly lifted my spirits.  There is nothing sweeter than getting together with fellow believers who are bound together by their love for Jesus Christ.

Here is a picture of my knees today and you can tell how much straighter the right one is.  Am I even considering knee replacement for the left knee?  Not a chance in a million.  Perhaps as the memory of the pain wears off and the new knee begins to perform at its expected level, I might rethink it but a lot of time will have to elapse to wipe out those painful memories.

 

 

 

I ran into an old acquaintance from past water aerobics classes at PT today.  She had her second knee replacement two weeks ago and really didn't look to be in very good shape.  My therapist says that I must work out on my own until the knee is back to regular use.  This will include workouts at home and at Gold's Gym.  My numbers have not changed for the last 2-3 weeks so my flexibility and leg extension is about where it is going to be.  The exercising is to make sure that I don't lose ground since both knees have comparable numbers right now.

 

Other than the loss of sleep, appetite, bladder and bowel control, slight anemia for the last couple of weeks, and other maladies that I've already forgotten, it was quite a trip.  God has been there all the time but it has been difficult to get my focus off of me but then that is pretty much how I've lived my whole life....me, me, me.  I didn't even have to take selfish lessons, they came naturally.  My desire going into the surgery was that God would receive glory.  He has because this path was chosen by him to show me that he will see me through everything until my time here is over.  I praise him for what has happened and what will be happening as I continue my recovery.  He is a great God and greatly to be praised.